In 2014, I launched my first YouTube channel. In almost all of my videos I used to say, “Do something today that makes you happy and that brings you one step closer to your dreams.”
I chased my dreams and I chased my happiness.
Almost 6 years later, after suffering a mental health complication that landed me in a psych ward for 12 days…
I discovered that the purpose of life is not happiness.
I began to understand that life is less about chasing highs and more about being present with the endless spectrum of human emotions.
VIDEO TRANSCRIPT:
00:00:09
When I began my personal development journey, I became fixated with the idea of finding everlasting happiness.
I think I was highly influenced by my childhood Disney princess dreams of happily ever after.
In high school, I used to believe that if I could make other people happy, I would eventually become happy too.
So, I grew to be likable and a people-pleaser. Cracking jokes and bending over backwards for other people’s approval and recognition.
With my happiness dependent on other people’s happiness, I grew to feel lost and depressed.
When I was in university, I was disenchanted by this bad habit and wanted to carve a path of my own.
That’s when I decided to start this channel on the pursuit to discover what would happen if I did something every day that made me happy.
00:01:06
As Aristotle once said, Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life, the whole aim and end of human existence.
Happiness became my compass, and I embarked on a voyage to understand the meaning and purpose of my life.
I began chasing after blissful impulses and fleeting moments in the hope of finding everlasting joy.
Anything that wasn’t happiness, I learned to numb it out.
Five years later, I’m discovering that the purpose of life is not happiness.
I grew to be aware of my denial and repressed emotions, labeling feelings of happiness and optimism as good, and labeling my sadness and depression as bad.
Wanting to only feel the good, while I eradicated the bad.
But that’s just not how things work. My inability to embrace the greyness had me judgmental, looking at it as black and white.
00:02:15
Stuck in a binary way of thinking, I only grew more frustrated with my inability to cling onto happiness.
So, I had to learn to let it go.
I wrote this poem that encapsulates this idea pretty well.
“Whilst wallowing within the warm embrace of willow trees, wisdom whispers willfully to those who listen.
Witness your woeful thoughts, not as your own, but as a tide that crashes upon the shore, then recedes back onto the ocean.
Witness your joyful glow, not as one to be kept in a glass jar, surely to dim and die, but instead, as a free-spirited firefly that lands in the palm of your hand, for you to be enthralled.
Then witness it soar to another soul longing for a spark of joy.”
00:03:11
I finally gave myself the freedom to express my range of emotions, to feel them fully, and then let it pass. If I’m sad, I’m sad.
If I’m angry, I’m angry.
If I’m frustrated, I’m frustrated.
If I’m depressed, I’m depressed.
If I’m hopeful, I’m hopeful.
And if I’m happy, I’m happy.
This felt so liberating and made me feel human again.
No longer did I have to feel stuck in numbness, and instead I can embrace the beauty of being alive.
All parts of being alive. Anchored in this new belief that my emotions are neither good nor bad, I became radically accepting, which resulted in a sense of peace.
There’s still so much for me to discover about the meaning and purpose of life.
But one thing I know for sure is that peacefulness is priceless. And I guess in the end, that makes me pretty happy.
